So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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