I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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