bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
