The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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