"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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