My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
