Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
