i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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