That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
