these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
