i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
