id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
