whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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