you guys were way drunker than both of me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
