u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
