super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
