Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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