I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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