dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
