How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
