dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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