the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
