Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
