I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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