True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
