did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
