We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
