I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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