"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize