there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
