its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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