My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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