Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
