Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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