Will you blow on my dice?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
