omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
