Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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