u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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