we have officially mastered the walk of shame
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
