the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The feeling are messing with the penis
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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