Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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