I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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