just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
