I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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