I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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