Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.

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(410): View more from Maryland

i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"

(913): View more from Kansas

did you yell "are you not entertained?"

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(678): View more from Georgia

When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks

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(479): View more from Arkansas

No that means he must've used the nipple clamps

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE

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(704): View more from North Carolina

She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.

(1-704): View more from North Carolina

I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.

(704): View more from North Carolina

Dude, you are the most awesome.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend

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(703): View more from Virginia

so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health

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