I got chris browned last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He better not be in your backpack
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
