You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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