We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
