I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
