how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
