I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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