No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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