I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
