weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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