OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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