It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
