Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.