I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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