so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
did i just pee glitter
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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