i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
