we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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