I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
