I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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