hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
