I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you traded sex for a burrito?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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