Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
