I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
