next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
