There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
