garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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