She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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