her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
