I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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