At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
