u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
