I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
