you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
