Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
