It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
